An Artist's Authenticity

I want to be authentic. But in a world where very little is, and you have to play by the rules to be seen (hint: the rules feel very inauthentic to me), where do I begin?

1. The problem with authenticity

2. Why is authenticity so hard?

3. Chaos reigns

4. The situation right now

5. What can I do to be more authentic?

6. Who is the authentic me?

7. My blog, my rules.

The Problem with Authenticity

I'm having a problem with authenticity. When I started Howell Illustration, there were a few key words I wanted to be associated with my company, the main ones were: fun, honest, authentic. I wanted, and still want, to show people that not everything is perfect, that it's okay to be messy.

Hello! This is me at my desk. I don't wear glasses. But I had a slight magnifying prescription because I started getting headaches looking at all of my tiny drawings and I like how the glasses look.

Why is Authenticity so Hard?

I have always tried to be as honest as I can. I try to let people know what's going on in my world straight from the heart. But, it's hard. I often see advice on how to appear to your clientele 'look successful until it comes', 'keep your content relevant', 'have lots of social media' (another hint: I hate social media, I feel so fake on it!)

But the problem is, my content is me. How am I supposed to boil everything down to what's relevant? How am I meant to be honest if I'm hiding the hard bits? How can I help others be themselves if I can't even be myself?

Chaos Reigns

I mean, I'm chaotic. I have one part time job, one small business, one two year old who is currently tossing and turning in her bed (and it's looking like I'm going to have to go up there to sing several more rounds of Twinkle Twinkle), I do markets on weekends and try to fit in the housework, friends, family, life admin, worrying about life admin, and dealing with depression and generalised anxiety disorder around that.

A cow and a zebra meet each other for the first time. This is largely how I feel at the moment, minus the angry.

The Situation Right Now

Basically I fit the whole of adult life into the approximately two hours I get after Evie goes to sleep. Like most parents, I imagine.

This means that the one thing I need to make a really good go of my business: consistency, is out the door.

I'm struggling. My business is not doing well. Consistency is just not The Thing right now, I hate marketing, and I don't want TikTok dammit!

What Can I Do To Be More Authentic?

So, what can I do?

Well, I'm doubling down. I want to be even more honest; I want to be totally transparent.

My business is about to reflect exactly who I am in all my chaotic glory. There will be blogs about art, about books, about gardening, about anything new that I'm doing and learning, so you can come and learn with me about all of my crazy interests. About baking, about parenting. Sod relevancy. Hardly anyone reads my posts anyway, and following the SEO rules got me nowhere!

Chaos on my desk, chaos in my life

Who is the Authentic Me?

And just so we're absolutely clear on who I am: I stand 100% with black lives matter, LGBTQ+ people should be afforded the respect and love and freedom they deserve. No, immigrants ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. War is never justified. Killing. Children. Is. Not. OK. We need to do waaayyyy more to save the planet we live on. The rich should be taxed! There should be affordable, comfortable, beautiful council houses for people who can't afford their own home. Diversity is key. I hate bullies. Education should be free. Always. Help the poor, help everyone else. Diet culture is one of the biggest cons in this world. Parents need more help, including longer paternity leave, longer paid maternity leave, flexible working hours . . . and while we're on that, it should be a four day working week! Everyone should adopt a policy of radical compassion. The prison system is 100% broken, and people should be given more opportunities to seek and receive support before they offend, our hospitals are so far behind the times it's unreal; nature is healing, let's have some real forward thinking architecture for hospitals that builds nature into its foundation. Consumerism is one big con, and if I hear one more person say the words 'I was so poor, now I'm so rich . . . I guess hard work pays off!' my head is literally going to explode. I've worked hard for twenty-three years of my life and so far it has never 'paid off' in that way. There are so many people who work so hard and get nothing in return - you're working hard, and you're lucky. At least acknowledge that instead of encouraging more people to get on that hamster wheel with vague promises of maybe riches . . . and breathe . . .

Well. That felt good.

My Blog, My Rules

This is my business and these are my rules: fun, honesty, authenticity, integrity, love, compassion, acceptance . . . chaos.

Sending love out into the world, and as always, thanks for reading.

Nx